if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
