she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
