i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
