So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize