grandma shit on top of the toilet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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