can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
