if only i could text you this smell
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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