dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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