So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize