she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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