im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
