Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
