I think my vagina is haunted
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
