please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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