felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
