tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
