one word: firstdatebathroomanal
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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