I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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