you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
