Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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