I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
