woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I AM VODKA MAN
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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