It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
