dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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