I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize