She went from zero to smokin in five shots
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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