Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
