dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
