and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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