she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
