you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
