Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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