I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
