Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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