Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
