she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
