what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
