Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
