she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
