I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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