We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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