I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
