Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
