I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me too!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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