you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
