I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
