once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
