That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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