....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
