I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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