He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
