Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
