This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
