lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
