Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
