So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
