fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
