I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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