There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
