When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
