I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
