What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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