Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
