do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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