new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we're so committed to being not committed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
