Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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